ࡱ> lnk Objbj 4beexG   8&$J,vDFFFFFF,Orr4DDB004rr  :   IDENTIFYING GLOBAL AND LOCAL REVISION ISSUES IN A DRAFT MODULE Global issues are issues revolving around argument development and structure, while local issues are at the sentence level, namely grammar and clarity. Often clients are unsure of what they need to work on with a draft, so they come to the Center with a vague goal of just looking over the paper. In those cases, you will need to identify global and local revision issues in the draft so as to set relevant, reasonable goals for the conference and to conclude the appointment giving direction to the client about what he/she should do next. Step 1: Read the draft below and identify potential global and local issues. Use the comment tool on Word to place your comments within the text. On the bottom, set goals for the revision process. What would you address? Why would you favor some issues over others? Step 2: Read the professor's comments embedded in the duplicate essay. Are your comments similar? How are they different? What have you learned from this comparison? Step 3: Imagine that the client came to you with the draft that includes the professor's comments. How could you help? What would be your strategies for that conference? Sample Paper: Konstantin Levin, Tolstoy's semi-autobiographical character in Anna Karenina, struggles endlessly with the question of life's philosophical and personal significance. A foil to many of the other male characters in the novel, Levin emerges as a man who rejects the complex and intellectualized way of life that they represent. He believes that the 'civilized' and extravagent life that Oblonsky enjoys breeds a corruption and impurity that is partially embodied in the work ethic. "But it still seems to me monstrous. ... In the country we try to get our meals over as quickly as possible, so as to get on with our work..." (49). From the outset, Levin places much importance upon the purity and intensity of hard and honest labor, both as a landowner and as a man. Eventually, as is seen in the passage quoted, this faith placed in the work ethic is extended and incorporated into Levin's own personal search for 'the meaning of life.' As a landowner, Levin is familiar with the issue of labor and is forced to consider it, if only because he has been directly affected by the emancipation of the serfs. In fact, a large segment of the novel is dedicated to Levin's own theories of labor which focus mainly on maximizing profit and labor efficiency through the distribution of land to the peasants. The beginning of the above passage focuses on this detatched business-like aspect of labor, as the peasants are looked upon as individuals "whom either he had wronged or who had tried to cheat him..." (251). Dealings with land and the peasants are grounded in an economic and social reality. Levin is irrefutably involved with the labor question from a position of self-interest. He is a landowner and wants to maximize potential gain; however, this apparent focus on profit is not as simple as it may appear. Inherent in this concern is his own relationship to the land and the toil that both he and the peasants invest in it. Levin is appalled and insulted when Oblonsky sells his land for considerably less than what it is worth, and it forces him to articulate he then states his own theory of the working man: "'We are the aristocrats - not those who only manage to exist on the favor of the mighty of the world, and who can be bought for a copper coin'" (190). Thus, despite initial appearnaces of detached pragmatism, Levin's association with labor and with the peasants is intensely personal. He has a profound respect for the hard-working life of the peasant, and this respect is reflected both in his behavior and system of values. Part Three of Anna Karenina opens with Koznyshev's visit to the country, a visit which further defines Levin's relationship to labor and the peasant. It is in this segment that the reader realizes the importance of Levin's anti-intellectual inclinations in his own personal philosophy and style of life. He relates to affairs and issues intimately, he cannot detach his own personal involvement from a philosophical contemplation, nor does he find it necessary to do so. If he had been asked whether he liked the peasants, Levin would certainly not have known what to answer. He both liked and did not like men in general. ... But like or dislike 'the people' as something apart he could not, not only because he lived among them and all his interests were boundup with theirs, but also because he regarded himself as part of 'the people,' and could not contrast himself with them. (258). Two issues are integral: first, Levin's anti-intellectualism, and second his own personal association with the peasant. Levin is "a representative of the Russian man without any ready-made theories" (Levin and Social Chaos, 797). This anti-intellectualism, allows him to respond emotionally to situations and, therefore, permits him to share in the plight of the peasant. One of the most prominent scenes in the novel is Levin's participation in the mowing which also occurs in Part Three. Levin is able to escape the troubles of his more complex life as a landowner. "...to calm himself [he] had had recourse to a remedy of his own - he had taken a scythe from one of the peasants and himself started to mow" (268). He joins the peasants, working alongside of them in a common bond of honest toil; it is here where one senses that he finally finds truth in life. He is happy and at peace with himself as he is cleansed through a basic labor that unites him with the purity and simplicity of the earth. Although it appears that Levin has finally found the answer to his own search for personal significance in life, chapter six begins as "Levin got on his horse and, parting regretfully from the mowers, rode homewards" (277). Perhaps the most important aspect of the above passage is the perspective from which it is written. Levin finds intense personal satisfaction in the simple and hard labor that the peasants engage in daily. However, Levin is not a peasant, and he cannot deny his own reality. The passage above is located six chapters after his experiences in the fields, and he is once again the outsider. Levin comes to this estate as the manager looking after his sister's interests, and his position is implicit in the phrasing of the passage: "God had given them the day and the strength..." (297, italics mine). He is no longer a part of whatever peace he had found in the fields. Levin finds true harmony in the labor which he shares with the peasants; however, at the end of this chapter when he sees Kitty, the woman he loves, it becomes clear that this is not a part of his destiny. Levin is a fundamentally solitary character and it is because of this that he encounters philosophical and spiritual despair. "The author leads Levin to clash with the most diverse spheres of people and events, and shows with marvelous lucidity how Levin cannot attach himself to any of these spheres" (Levin and Social Chaos, 796). The fact that he cannot espouse any of the 'ready-made' philosophies of those around him commands respect from the reader; however, he rejects them in a way that leaves him alone, searching for something that will give meaning to his life. For a brief and happy moment, Levin seems to be able to join "the world of the peasants... He feels nevertheless, that he cannot do this altogether" (797). By introducing a religious element, Tolstoy attempts to rescue Levin from this apparent future of spiritual and philosophic solitude and despair. However, Levin's religious beliefs are less than convincing because one senses that they are more forced than the peace that he finds with the peasants. The reader unfortunately suspects that the uplifting results of Levin's religious life will be short-lived. Step 1 Response: Paper with Professor's Comments: Konstantin Levin, Tolstoy's semi-autobiographical character in Anna Karenina, struggles endlessly with the question of life's philosophical and personal significance. [Don't many of the characters share a preoccupation with "personal significance"? This first sentence doesn't tell me why you're considering Levin. Moreover, the aside about Levin being a "semi-autobiographical" character is an idea that you don't adequately follow up on. Why is the autobiographical element important to the argument that you're going to make?] A foil to many of the other male characters in the novel, Levin emerges as a man who rejects the complex and intellectualized way of life that they represent. He believes that the 'civilized' and extravagent life that Oblonsky enjoys breeds a corruption and impurity that is partially embodied in the work ethic. "But it still seems to me monstrous. ... In the country we try to get our meals over as quickly as possible, so as to get on with our work..." (49). From the outset, Levin places much importance upon the purity and intensity of hard and honest labor, both as a landowner and as a man. Eventually, as is seen in the passage quoted, this faith placed in the work ethic is extended and incorporated into Levin's own personal search for 'the meaning of life.' [Are you saying that the meaning of life, for Levin, is work? Or are you arguing that this work ethic is "extended" into some other idea? If so, what is that idea, and how does it evolve from Levin's work ethic? ] As a landowner, Levin is familiar with the issue of labor and is forced to consider it, if only because he has been directly affected by the emancipation of the serfs. In fact, a large segment of the novel is dedicated to Levin's own theories of labor which focus mainly on maximizing profit and labor efficiency through the distribution of land to the peasants. The beginning of the above passage focuses on this detatched business-like aspect of labor, as the peasants are looked upon as individuals "whom either he had wronged or who had tried to cheat him..." (251). [This passage doesn't illustrate your point.]Dealings with land and the peasants are grounded in an economic and social reality. [Break into two paragraphs.] Levin is irrefutably involved with the labor question from a position of self-interest. He is a landowner and wants to maximize potential gain; however, this apparent focus on profit is not as simple as it may appear. Inherent in this concern is his own relationship to the land and the toil that both he and the peasants invest in it. Levin is appalled and insulted when Oblonsky sells his land for considerably less than what it is worth, and it forces him to articulate he then states his own theory of the working man: [This is not a "theory." Elaborate on your point.] "'We are the aristocrats - not those who only manage to exist on the favor of the mighty of the world, and who can be bought for a copper coin'" (190). Thus, despite initial appearnaces of detached pragmatism, Levin's association with labor and with the peasants is intensely personal. He has a profound respect for the hard-working life of the peasant, and this respect is reflected both in his behavior and system of values. [Show me.] Part Three of Anna Karenina opens with Koznyshev's visit to the country, a visit which that further defines Levin's relationship to labor and the peasant. It is in this segment that the reader [This sentence is hard to follow because of the vague pronoun reference. Does the "his" refer to Levin or the reader? Can you rethink this sentence, dropping the "it is" and restructuring the sentence so that it reflects a proper emphasis?] realizes the importance of Levin's anti-intellectual inclinations in his own personal philosophy and style of life. ["his own personal philosophy and style of life" - What precisely are you referring to?] He relates to affairs and issues [ What "affairs?" Which "issues?" Turn your attention to the particulars of the text.] intimately, he cannot detach his own personal involvement from a philosophical contemplation, nor does he find it necessary to do so. If he had been asked whether he liked the peasants, Levin would certainly not have known what to answer. He both liked and did not like men in general. ... But like or dislike 'the people' as something apart he could not, not only because he lived among them and all his interests were boundup with theirs, but also because he regarded himself as part of 'the people,' and could not contrast himself with them. (258). [I'm confused about your argument. The thesis statement emphasizes the "work ethic," yet I haven't seen any mention of "work ethic" since the introduction. Within the body of the paper you make very abstract claims about Levin's "philosophy," "style of life," or thought processes, yet these terms remain poorly defined. The concrete examples and references that you DO employ focus on Levin's conflict between his landowner status and his anti-intellectual admiration for the peasants. Do you see the tension that I'm pointing to? What precisely are you trying to argue?] Two issues are integral: first, Levin's anti-intellectualism, and second his own personal association with the peasant. Levin is "a representative of the Russian man without any ready-made theories" (Levin and Social Chaos, 797). This anti-intellectualism, allows him to respond emotionally to situations and, therefore, permits him to share in the plight of the peasant. One of the most prominent scenes in the novel is Levin's participation in the mowing which also occurs in Part Three. Levin is able to escape the troubles of his more complex life as a landowner. "...to calm himself [he] had had recourse to a remedy of his own - he had taken a scythe from one of the peasants and himself started to mow" (268). He joins the peasants, working alongside of them in a common bond of honest toil; it is here where one senses that he finally finds truth in life. He is happy and at peace with himself as he is cleansed through a basic labor that unites him with the purity and simplicity of the earth. Although it appears that Levin has finally found the answer to his own search for personal significance in life, [I still don't know what this means.] chapter six begins as "Levin got on his horse and, parting regretfully from the mowers, rode homewards" (277). Perhaps the most important aspect of the above passage is the perspective from which it is written. Levin finds intense personal satisfaction in the simple and hard labor that the peasants engage in daily. However, Levin is not a peasant, and he cannot deny his own reality. The passage above is located six chapters after his experiences in the fields, and he is once again the outsider. Levin comes to this estate as the manager looking after his sister's interests, and his position is implicit in the phrasing of the passage: "God had given them the day and the strength..." (297, italics mine). He is no longer a part of whatever peace he had found in the fields. Levin finds true harmony in the labor which he shares with the peasants; however, at the end of this chapter when he sees Kitty, the woman he loves, it becomes clear that this is not a part of his destiny. [The argument starts to gain some clarity here; is the "real" argument surfacing?] Levin is a fundamentally solitary character and it is because of this that he encounters philosophical and spiritual despair. "The author leads Levin to clash with the most diverse spheres of people and events, and shows with marvelous lucidity how Levin cannot attach himself to any of these spheres" (Levin and Social Chaos, 796). The fact that he cannot espouse any of the 'ready-made' philosophies of those around him commands respect from the reader; however, he rejects them in a way that leaves him alone, searching for something that will give meaning to his life. ["Who?" The sentence gets out of control. What is the main subject of the sentence? What role do "the readers" play in your point?]For a brief and happy moment, Levin seems to be able to join "the world of the peasants... He feels nevertheless, that he cannot do this altogether" (797). By introducing a religious element, Tolstoy attempts to rescue Levin from this apparent future of spiritual and philosophic solitude and despair. However, Levin's religious beliefs are less than convincing because one senses that they are more forced than the peace that he finds with the peasants. The reader unfortunately suspects that the uplifting results of Levin's religious life will be short-lived. [This is the first we're hearing of this "religious element." Is this idea important to your argument? Maybe the religious element is your paper's missing piece?] HYPERLINK "http://www.dartmouth.edu/~writing/materials/faculty/methods/examples/response.shtml"End Comments The paper is at its strongest and most persuasive when you work closely with the text. At these moments you offer concrete exmamples and illustrations that allow me to see precisely what you are talking about and why. Which brings me to the paper's primary weakness. You have a tendency to speak in abstract terms; as a reader, I get lost in the broad sweep of some of your phrases. For instance, you mention Levin's "personal philosophy," his "personal significance in life," and his metaphysical desire to merge or bond with the peasants. Yet, when the argument gets more specific, the issue doesn't seem abstract or metaphysical. In fact, when you work closely with the text you seem to be arguing that Levin is displaced and alienated because he rejects the values of his aristocratic standing, yet cannot escape it. Furthermore, at the end of the paper you raise an interesting complication. You mention a "religious element" that you feel Tolstoy brings in to "rescue" Levin. You seem unconvinced by this move. What is this "religious element," and why are you not convinced by it? I'd like to hear more. Could this idea help you to focus your argument in more specific terms, right from the beginning? How might this idea be worked into your thesis? Let's talk about this possibility. The end of your paper may hold the key to a successful beginning. 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